Our story of child loss
Mom Who Lost Her Stillborn Baby Shares a Heartbreaking Plea
Early last month, Natalie Morgan was excitedly counting down the days until she would welcome her daughter into the world. But when she woke up the morning of September 11, her baby, who had been kicking the night before, wasn't moving. Knowing something was wrong after she couldn't find her baby's heartbeat on a home doppler, Natalie went to the hospital where staff ran a heartbeat monitor over her belly and performed an ultrasound. It was then that she was told the devastating news: her baby had died in the womb.
"I keep having flashbacks to that moment," Natalie writes on her Facebook page. "It's a crippling, all-consuming feeling of utter suffocation, and a memory that will haunt me for the rest of my life. In that moment, I felt trapped as if the ceiling was literally crashing down on top of me. I couldn't breathe, I lashed out, I screamed, I threw things, I threw up...and then a piece of me died with her."
Natalie goes on to explain how she gave birth to her daughter, Eleanor, and weeped as she was placed on her chest. She then held her daughter as a photographer from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep snapped photos of her and Eleanor together. She bathed Eleanor, brushed her hair, and told her how much she loved her.
"She was beautiful, she was perfect in every way," Natalie continues. "I begged her through my tears to wake up: 'Please wake up, baby girl...please, wake up. Why won't you cry for mommy?...And I apologized over and over again for failing her. Oh, how I failed my beautiful baby girl."
The next Monday, Natalie and her husband said their final goodbyes to Eleanor. But she hopes that sharing her story on Facebook with other parents will make them appreciate every little moment they get to spend with their children—even when they feel like giving up.
"All I ask of you is [that] when you have your dark moments with your baby—when you're at your wits' end and feel like you can't go on anymore, [and] when you're only getting an hour or two of sleep at night—instead of begging your child to go to sleep and being swallowed up in your frustration and exhaustion, find the tiniest bit of strength within you to keep going, and say a prayer of gratitude," she writes. "Please. Do it for Eleanor.
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